Successfully woke up this morning after much struggle, and am now in the school library TRYING to study. I think the recess week has totally diminished my stamina to go school!!!

Anatomy test is on this Thursday, feeling quite stressed out cos I don't know how much I know and I am quite sick of studying already. Predict that I won't study the next few days cos of the wedding. Hmmm...

..... .... ... .. .

Indeed, there are many things which I don't understand and probably can't to. People's first assumption to that statement would most likely be BAD things that happened to me which I don't understand why.

However, in fact, there are many GOOD things which happened to me which I don't understand why too. Good things which I know I don't deserve. But whoever will question that? We just take it for granted that those things dropped from heaven and landed in our lives. No one will question further. We gave God our 1 sentence of thanks and we happily received.

(My vocabulary has gone way down to simply "good","bad" and "things"... It's quite a tragedy, pardon that.)

So why is it that people get "alarmed" when bad things happen in their lives? Can I say it's just as normal as having good things happening? Though it's near impossible to "happily receive" them, we can still thank God for all things at all time.

Circumstances may/will change, but God is the same yesterday, today and forever. AMEN.

We are assured and know that [[j]God being a PARTNER in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

Romans 8:28 (Amplified Bible)

Since it's the holiday, or rather recess week, it's good to take a moment to sort out my life. Gonna be long, just a sketch of my life. More for myself to read though haha.

PIANO

Since I was young I badly wanted to learn how to play a piano... But I only started learning when I was 13. Sigh. I didn't have a piano then, so my teacher gave me a long paper keyboard so I practised on that and imagined it was a real piano... And yes like you and me, we all started off with "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and "Happy Birthday".

My mum was the one who got me started, she's always supportive of me learning piano... She was the one who bought me my current 2nd hand piano at $5k+. It was a big risk considering I may discontinue learning after a while. But I didn't cos I really love the piano.

A few years back, my dad told me he actually named me after a pianist in church. I was very surprised. I hope I can serve God in this area... But currently no plan as in how to.

Plan to take my Grade 6 theory and practical next year. Skip Grade 7 practical and jump to Grade 8 the following year... If $$$ allows, I'll take Diploma.

CELLO

When I was 15, there was an open door for me to play the cello in my school's Chinese Orchestra. They were looking for just ONE more person. Word spread to me and I joined since the thought of learning an instrument for FREE was very tempting.

Involved in SYF and stuff but couldn't play well cos they didn't grill on the basics.

Used to have casual thoughts of me playing in an "ang moh" orchestra, just a day-dream at that time cos the vision was too far-fetched.

When our church formed an orchestra and performed @ Expo for the 1st time, I was thrilled. I couldn't keep my eyes off the cellists cos I wanted to be playing with them. Never did I know that some of them were actually Elgin and Lisa.

Got Steph to get me a Cello teacher since she was in NAFA. Bought a $1.3k cello and paid my monthly fee out of my own pocket. It was a big sacrifice considering I was/am not that rich. He taught me from SCRATCH and I'm very thankful for his patience with me. :)

Emailed Tat Haur that I wanted to join the orchestra and he invited me to join them. Very thankful for this opportunity since I couldn't even play decently. Always "kena-ed" from Eric and there was a period where I rejected my cello totally, didn't even wanna see it.

That was the beginning.

When I got into NUS, I so wanted to join NUSSO. To my utmost surprise, I passed the audition and got in. But I'm not sure if I'm up to it. :(

Yes now I've fulfilled my dream of playing in an "ang moh" orchestra. Truly if you can see it, you can have it. No matter how silly you feel at first for even imagining it.

Upcoming events:
- Service performance on 3rd wk of Oct
- Nov Asia Conference
- NUS Quartet busking during Xmas period

 NUS-NURSING

Whenever I passed by the highway next to NUS, I always wish I could study there one day. What attracted me were the running tracks and volleyball courts. I'm really happy to be studying there now.

In my 2004 July/August entry, I wrote that I wanted to be either a nurse or a counselor in future. In fact now I can be both. Haha. Thought of becoming a doctor too because the thought of working in an operating theatre is quite cool. But of cos my results were nowhere near fantastic. I still have a chance to work in an OT though. Hehe.

Most importantly, I want to spread the love of God to those who need it most and to be a bearer of God's light in people's darkest moments.

CHURCH

When I was 14, beloved CAI kept "pestering" me to go church with her. Man... How she was good in it. I didn't even know her personally then... I didn't even know how I actually know her. But in secondary school, everybody knew everybody somehow.

She "pestered" till I was nearly 15. When church first moved to JW, I finally went. But on the first day, I went ALONE cos I couldn't find CAI!!! (And I didn't have a HP then...) I was quite scared, I CRIED!!!! HAHA. 2 ushers escorted me to a seat in a corner.

New friend abandoned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahaha...

But that day was a very significant day in my life. That day changed my entire life, it was the turning point of my life. I experienced the most wonderful love of all.

Yes and all these years I've been avoiding a calling - to be a cgl. I'm actually thankful to a special person who awakened my soul. Not sure "special" is the most appropriate word to use though.

Yes so now I got my direction and I'm working towards it. Slowly but surely. Thanks to MC and KL for being so supportive and to Shing who gives me the opportunity to.

..... .... ... .. .

So yes, this is roughly the plan and outlook of my life at this moment. Feel good to write them down. :)

 

9 months ago

During Jared + Jerb's wedding

 

Joseph + Emily's wedding

 

 

TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
MC looks so cute hahaha... They are really awesome friends! LOVE'EM!!!!

 

Yes I must put this up!!! Cos I look mysteriously younger by a few years.  =X
(Purely a personal opinion, open to rebuttals)

..... .... ... .. .

Practised cello earlier on... Some songs for Nov Asia Conference... It just made me feel bad. Though I've improved but so what... I'm still not "THERE" yet... I still can't play like "the rest"...

I'm not sure, is it a musician thing to always struggle with this thought? Or just me?

And I didn't feel like playing the piano this week... Cos I think I sounded terrible each time I tried to play... Sigh. This is bad.

I don't know what has gotten into me...

Am I striving for excellence or perfectionism? Or I actually can't play at all...

Maybe I just need some serious renewing of mind...

. .. ... .... ....

WOW, MAMA MIA IS REALLY NICE!!!!!!!!!

I so felt like dancing in the middle of the show!!!!!!!! Hahahaha..

Don't mind watching it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love everything about that show!!!!!!! The setting was gorgeous, the songs are great and PIERCE BROSNAN LOOKS PERFECT. Woo.

WOW...

I WANNA GET THE SOUNDTRACK CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I so love the songs I hummed them all the way home (so me right?). Just 5 mins walk actually hahaha.

And yes I went to watch it ALONE. Cos I felt like watching a movie at 8+ pm and so I walked across the street and bought a ticket Haha. I'm that random.

I think I've mastered the art of self-entertaining... Lol... Cool.

It's over 2am, still wide awake trying to study a little bit more. Not that I'm hardworking :) but rather I feel guilty not studying much the entire day haha.

I know someone doesn't like me staying up late... Hmmm...

Anyway, reason why I didn't study as much as I wanted to was cos I spent my day cleaning and fixing some stuff at my kor's new house. It's some little things I can help out in since I can't really bless him as much as I want to financially... Hehe.

So I offered him my sweat and caused him some blood instead as some tools flew off my hands and hit him TWICE hahaha. =x

We went to Ikea @ Tampines!!! It was my first time there and it's HUGE!!! WOW. Sorry to sound so sua gu!!! I was clearly taken aback. Haha.

I know someone likes to go Ikea too...

It's really fun tidying up new houses Hehe.

..... .... ... .. .

Strangely and unknowingly, I've lost a good 3-4 kg in less than 2 months. I weighed myself for over 10 times cos I couldn't believe it. HAHA. And to think I ate more than usual junk recently... Life is unfair? Lol...

The best reason I can think of is the loss of muscle mass. Or my stubborn BABY fats just suddenly decided to leave me for good. Waha...

Just in time for kor's wedding next week hahaha..

. .. ... .... .....

I realised my mistakes, I was ignorant and oblivious. Hmmm, oblivious sounds like merely an easy excuse to get away from something. MC said I was insensitive. I guess that is a better word to describe.

Yes I was. And probably selfish too. I guess it's too late to apologise.

I'm sorry...

Quite hesistant to put this up but thought it's an interesting song to share. My piano teacher wanted me to record it down too... She's quite cute haha.

Bach - Invention No. 8 in F Major

A few mistakes here and there... Hmmm should have bring out my left hand part more, it's kinda hidden... So try to pay attention to (ie, strain your ears to hear) the left hand part too. It's mainly an echo of the right hand...

The "kok kok" knocking sound that is dispersed throughout the entire song is quite irritating. It's actually my fingernails hitting against the keyboard. Lol.

I think I quite let Bach down... Anyway all comments are welcome... :)

YES! Today's last day of school. Having recess week next week. =) Not that I don't enjoy going to school... It's just that I'd love a break too. Hehe.

Quite frustrated with myself recently partly cos my cello and piano skills are still not very good. And also other things which I didn't see for myself. But yes I'm thankful that God opened my eyes to a lot of things previously unseen.

Quite happy with myself too, cos my cello has improved hehe. But I feel I'm taking forever. The open secret is to never give up. ;)

Had an open door for me to perform in a quartet again! So fun. It'll be end of year and the $ we earn will help fund NUSSO.

I realised my writing has become increasingly fragmented. Might as well write in POINT-FORM??? Hahaha.

Anyway, just some senseless gibber...

Just did some self-reflection and I found that I've done many wrong things... Probably have hurt someone a lot even without me knowing...

Guess I knew it a tad too late... Sometimes we do not have the luxury of time to realize some things before it's too late.

..... .... ... .. .

"Show me how to live
Teach me how to pray
Let all I THINK and SAY please You Lord..."

At this very present moment, I feel like packing my bag and go away with my piano and cello.

Then again, I'd make a coward out of myself. We like to walk away from problems. If people = problems, then you can substitute "people" into my previous sentence.

Hope it makes sense? :)

If not, it's ok too. Many things don't make sense anyway...

..... .... ... .. .

Best thing that happened today was... My piano teacher taught me for an extra 15 MINUTES. To be calculative, that's $11+ FOC hahaha...

(^;^)v

More than that, it's really a pure pleasure to attend piano lessons... The victorious feeling of conquering a piece which you've been struggling with, or simply just outdoing yourself each time you play, can make you super happy. At least for me... =P

This is what I call "self-entertainment". Hahaha.

Hope to get at least a Diploma in piano next time... Maybe in 4-5 years? *shrug* Seems far...

Had Anatomy lab today. We had to go into the Anatomy Hall again, one which is filled with the smell of Formalin. I quite hate that smell, it makes me nauseous.

Today was slightly different, we get to TOUCH a cadaver and various body parts. Everything felt rubbery.

I guess we have already gotten over seeing whatever there is in the human body. Felt indifferent when I ate chicken rice after that hehe.

Stayed back in school to finish up some stuff, felt quite accomplished haha. Took a train back and I COULDN'T HELP but to think that this man I saw look like one of the cadavers... And I COULDN'T HELP but to imagine further... *Sigh* Study hazard???

I seriously hope and pray that I won't get a nightmare like before... It was too scary I woke up. For someone who sleeps like a LOG, it takes a really scary nightmare to wake me up...

..... .... ... .. .

Anyway, today was a real interesting day. We discussed about the controversial topic of "ABORTION" during tutorial.

Did you know that...

- A pregnant woman, REGARDLESS of age, have full rights to make a decision as to what she wants to do with the fetus? That is, If I'm a 14 year-old who is pregnant, I can choose to abort it WITHOUT requiring anyone's consent. All information will be kept CONFIDENTIAL at the end of the day.

- However, if I'm a 20.5 year old and I want to just remove a stubborn MOLE, I'd need my PARENTS' consent. (We only have full rights at the age of 21.)

Do you see the irony here?

In fact, Singapore is way too liberal with our abortion laws. Can check the validity of the above points.

Abortion is a very simple thing to do. Chop chop done. The cost is not a problem too.

It's a highly debatable subject... Which is too much of a hassle to talk about it here... But think about it. :)

The LORD is my strength and my shield;My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.

Psalm 28:7

Sometimes in my own quiet time with God, a song will just randomly spring out of me. Then I will get excited and save the lyrics in my handphone and I will start singing the new song to God and feel super happy about it. Hahaha.

Or I'll write lyrics without melody, just for fun. Hehe.

You can try too. :)

Though the popularly/"commercially" sung songs are nice but it's also good to give God something totally from our within...

Doesn't matter if the lyrics don't rhyme or the melody is out or we sing out of tune (All the above referred to myself Lol...), as long as it's from our heart, I think God will be touched... :)

(^;^)v

Paid my piano fee today and reality struck me that I can't survive on the allowance my dad gives me. Was thinking of giving tuition to sec school students instead of primary school cos the value is higher with the same amount of time spent...

My plan is to take Grade6 theory and practical next year.

And my dream is to be able to perform on the piano one fine day... Whenever that is... 5, 10, 20 years? Just gotta fulfill that dream by hook or by crook haha. Before I die.

..... .... ... .. .

Met up with my kor for dinner today. He's getting married next month! I think I'm more excited than him hahaha. Cos I'm gonna be a bridesmaid. It's quite a shy thing... lol. But I think it'll be fun =P

It's really quite scary how much he knows me... He saw me grew up from a xiao mei mei in sec school till now... So he pretty much knows the way I think and my character.

Anyway, I'm a person who doesn't like to beat around the bush. I don't like indecisiveness. In fact I quite hate it. Like for goodness' sake please make up your/my mind. -_- It's especially a big turn off for me if a guy is indecisive. =X

No po ma-ness cos that's so gu niang.

Know what you want and go for it. When you get it, don't look back. :)

Having said those, I'm quite strict on myself in this aspect too... I don't like myself to be indecisive too...

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
James 1:6-8

..... .... ... .. .

Anyway... Things are starting to get really interesting... Hehe.

Hello Cello Pros

 

I suspect that someone is secretly praying for me... Cos I don't know why I'm feeling (nearly) on top of the world recently haha.

School's really fun, it's just NOT ME to keep gushing about school and getting all excited... Lol. I suspect something is wrong with me...

Anyway, went for sectional prac ytd... 6 of us were there. 5 were pros except me! So it was really stressful. PROs as in really PROS...

I spoke to a Chinese guy beside me and asked him how long has he played the Cello... Cos he played very impressively... He told me 15 YEARS. That's like 5/7 of my life. So I felt better that I couldn't play well enough.

Another Ang Moh girl was very good as well, she has been playing over 10 years too. 

My sectional leader's been playing for 8 years.

And ME??? 1-2 years. And it's not like I really practised... I probably really only play for maybe less than 1 year... So it took a lot of courage out of me to just attend practices...

Supposed to have a performance next wed @ the national library. However, the pieces are too difficult for me so I'm gonna give it a miss. My plan is to learn from my SL/tutor after the perf.

Ok finished ranting.

The Complicated Heart

 

Had Anatomy lecture today and it was all about the HEART.

It was one of the driest lectures ever. I got frustrated at some point cos we were bombarded with so many alien words at one go and we couldn't quite figure out what the lecturer was saying sometimes due to his strong Indian accent.

But I must admit he really knows his stuff... At the back of his hand! The way he regurgitated was kinda amusing but of course didn't make much sense to us. The entire lecture hall woke up when he told us that he used to be a heart surgeon... Lol...

Sigh... The heart is so complicated. Seems like almost every centimeter of the heart has a name... And we are supposed to know the names and where they are located...

=(

To think that I even have problems remembering my classmates' names...

Anyway... I'm still pretty amazed by how the heart can function independently from the brain. That is, the brain needs the heart to function but not vice versa.

I think my heart certainly contains much more stuff which the lecturer hasn't found out. Haha funny...

 

*God is the strength of my heart.*

Some decisions make us the bad guy, but they are important decisions that HAVE to be made for the good of both parties in the long run.

What goes around comes around? I have understood that. 

..... .... ... .. .

Anyway, it's my 4th week in school already. From what I have gathered so far, the hospital is really a BIG drama centre. It's where life and death exist side by side. It's also a favourite place to commit suicide.

Ya.

Can I handle it?

Really wanna live up to my name and be a BEARER OF LIGHT in a world of darkness.